How not to trash talk a coyote

Warning:  If you are offended by descriptions of nudity, foul language, and a cheeky coyote please find something else to read.

It was 2:30 a.m. and the coyote craziness had been going on for a while with no signs of abating.  This particular episode was different.  The coyotes had done their usual howling and that had ceased.  One lone coyote had remained somewhere out in the dark near our bedroom window intent on tormenting Kanti and us.  We took turns going outside to Kanti's kennel trying to calm her down.  We turned on all the outside lights, which normally scared the wild things away.  None of our attempts to regain the peacefulness of the swake were working.  It just seemed to escalate.  The longer the coyote yipped and Kanti barked the more insistent I became that Greg to do something.  I had no idea what that something was, but I was ready to start barking at the coyote myself out of desperation.  You could feel the tension in the bedroom as Greg felt the pressure of the dog barking, the coyote yipping, and the wife pleading for some sort of end to the coyote craziness.

Finally Greg flung the duvet off, flew out of bed, and used his long legs to propel himself across the room in record time.  He was a man on a mission to do something.  Before I had time to think he had crossed the living room, flung open the versatile doors and was standing on the edge of the front deck insulting the coyote's parentage or lack thereof.  The only thing he was wearing was his glasses!  None of that deterred the cocky coyote.  In fact, it might have amused that little critter because he - the coyote - upped the yipping factor.  The louder Greg yelled the more the coyote yipped.  The ruder Greg was, the more that coyote yipped.

Amidst all that hullabaloo I howled with laughter from the safety of my bed where I could see Greg through the window buck-naked on the deck hollering at the coyote.  The noise level had escalated, we now had the coyote chattering, Kanti barking, Greg yelling obscenities, and Joy laughing.  The more that coyote yipped the madder Greg got.  Suddenly Greg spun his naked self around and roared through the house rummaging around in drawers.  Seconds later he was back out on the deck shining a flashlight out into the dark night.  The coyote's eyes caught the light.  By then I think that coyote was laughing too because he could see the naked guy on the deck.  The coyote wasn't even taking a breath, it just kept yipping.

Kanti did not have a view of what was transpiring but she heard the yipping and yelling.  She had the good sense to bite her tongue; withholding further barking while she tried to decipher what kind of lunacy was going on with her favourite owner.  Greg's normal nature unless dealing with squirrels is very even tempered.  What Kanti was hearing was out of character.  It was probably a good thing she couldn't see what was going on. She missed out on seeing the naked guy in glasses take a run at the corner of the deck toward the coyote, stomping one foot extra hard at the edge in hopes of scaring the little beggar.  I don't think Kanti understood the foul language she heard but she sensed the angry tone and she could hear the running and stomping.  Somehow she knew she needed to be quiet. The situation was not unfolding well.

Despite being doubled over from the hilarity of it all, I too knew it wasn't unfolding well.  The coyote was a cheeky little critter and was not displaying any fear at all of the crazy naked guy who was getting madder by the moment.  I got up, put on my robe, and went outside to try to talk the mad man back from the precipice.  It was clear we weren't going to win the coyote trash talk challenge and at least Kanti was quiet.  Once we were back inside and the coyote realized that he wasn't getting a rise out of Kanti or Greg, he moved along.  But oh that furry fellow left me with a few good laughs all week as I recalled the man wearing nothing but his glasses railing into the dark of night trash talking a cheeky coyote.

City living was never this entertaining!  I hope this little story made you smile -