Little people don't have all the filters and social niceties in place camouflaging how they really feel. If our AJM is hungry or tired, she cries. The instant tears rolling down her cheeks remove any doubt about her current state of mind. The girl is unhappy. Something is wrong and someone better attend to it quickly or the crying is going to escalate to a full-on wail. Littles also have a great sense of what is right in their world along with a willingness to name it.
JMH and I were sharing a moment before a funeral, a place where sad people were all around. I hugged him and asked him, "Do you know what makes me happy?"
He turned his face to me and said, "I do."
He said it without any hesitation and with complete certainty. I was thrilled and surprised. I wasn't surprised he knew, I was surprised he could articulate it with such assurance. I have played it over and over in my head because thinking about it makes me happy and I have wondered how well I would do at answering a similar question for someone else. Would I have the ability to be that vulnerable as an adult?
No matter the state of the world, right or wrong, young children will let us know. Youngsters have fewer filters than those of us in the middle of life. We have filters on our filters. It's not a bad thing except when it prevents us from letting others in or getting help we need. We all know people who could benefit from employing a few more filters. We also know how loathe we are to respond to parts of life with raw honesty for fear of being socially awkward or politically incorrect, appearing too proud or too humble, or coming across as needy. God forbid.
What if we engaged in self-reflection and became more open and honest when safe spaces were offered? I am lousy at the emotional risk taking I'm proposing. I like my filters most of the time because they keep me safe from vulnerability and possible criticism. The problem is living that way all the time limits our ability to build meaningful relationships. Our filters keep us safe but they also can create unnecessary loneliness. Taking a small amount of emotional risk by overriding your filters, can help to create a community in which you can celebrate and sorrow.
JMH and I were sharing a moment before a funeral, a place where sad people were all around. I hugged him and asked him, "Do you know what makes me happy?"
He turned his face to me and said, "I do."
He said it without any hesitation and with complete certainty. I was thrilled and surprised. I wasn't surprised he knew, I was surprised he could articulate it with such assurance. I have played it over and over in my head because thinking about it makes me happy and I have wondered how well I would do at answering a similar question for someone else. Would I have the ability to be that vulnerable as an adult?
No matter the state of the world, right or wrong, young children will let us know. Youngsters have fewer filters than those of us in the middle of life. We have filters on our filters. It's not a bad thing except when it prevents us from letting others in or getting help we need. We all know people who could benefit from employing a few more filters. We also know how loathe we are to respond to parts of life with raw honesty for fear of being socially awkward or politically incorrect, appearing too proud or too humble, or coming across as needy. God forbid.
What if we engaged in self-reflection and became more open and honest when safe spaces were offered? I am lousy at the emotional risk taking I'm proposing. I like my filters most of the time because they keep me safe from vulnerability and possible criticism. The problem is living that way all the time limits our ability to build meaningful relationships. Our filters keep us safe but they also can create unnecessary loneliness. Taking a small amount of emotional risk by overriding your filters, can help to create a community in which you can celebrate and sorrow.
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