The message from Superstore alerted me to the fact my wallet was not in my purse. Someone turned it in. I slept all night not knowing it was missing. The message said the store opened at 7 a.m. It was only 4:30 a.m., I had some waiting to do. While I waited I retraced my actions wondering how I had managed to leave it, where I had left it, who had found it, and whether I was going to be cancelling all the cards in the middle of the Christmas season and at the tail end of a mail strike.
All this, at the end of a week during which I kept thinking on joy - my ability to be joyful and things that steal my joy. I love having real life experiences to share in the blog but honestly who needs a scenario like this less within ten days of Christmas. My joy had left the building and the remaining vacuum was quickly being filled with anxiety and self-recrimination. Instead of the Hallelujah Chorus, I was hearing the how could you be so stupid chorus. Yes, it is possible to hear an accusatory chorus in one's own head without anyone else saying anything unkind.
It is so easy to slip into the role of choir conductor, beating back any slivers of joy.
Joy is quiet, it blends into the background and often you don't realize its been beaten back until you are left sitting in a lonely arid place with harsh edges. How do we get out of that joyless place? I think we need to relinquish the choir conductor's baton and watch the horizon. Ancient wisdom claims joy comes in the morning. That image made me think really hard about joy last week. Mornings are slow to arrive in our part of the world in December. Mornings slip into the day without fanfare, always visible but out of reach, somewhere off on the horizon until eventually the blackness recedes.
No matter where I am on the earth or what inconvenience, sorrow, or catastrophe occurs, the sun will rise eventually. While I wait for the light of joy I have choices to make. Do I replay the conversations that feed the darkness or do I choose to set aside the baton and stop leading that chorus? Some might accuse me of oversimplifying a complex psychological phenomenon. But, I don't care and frankly I think we have complicated joy and been sold a bill of goods on it that is not true.
Joy is available to every single one of us. It is linked inextricably to grace and gratitude. Brother David Steindl-Rast says, “The root of joy is gratefulness...It is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful.” I'm going to try it out. I'm grateful, someone turned my wallet in. I hope everything is still in its place. I'm grateful that even though the sky is black as night at 6:50 a.m. I know the sun will rise today. It will peak over the horizon, slowly gently pushing the blackness away. If the darkness or the chorus are taking up permanent residence and joy has left town, listen to this rendition of Amazing Grace.
All this, at the end of a week during which I kept thinking on joy - my ability to be joyful and things that steal my joy. I love having real life experiences to share in the blog but honestly who needs a scenario like this less within ten days of Christmas. My joy had left the building and the remaining vacuum was quickly being filled with anxiety and self-recrimination. Instead of the Hallelujah Chorus, I was hearing the how could you be so stupid chorus. Yes, it is possible to hear an accusatory chorus in one's own head without anyone else saying anything unkind.
It is so easy to slip into the role of choir conductor, beating back any slivers of joy.
Joy is quiet, it blends into the background and often you don't realize its been beaten back until you are left sitting in a lonely arid place with harsh edges. How do we get out of that joyless place? I think we need to relinquish the choir conductor's baton and watch the horizon. Ancient wisdom claims joy comes in the morning. That image made me think really hard about joy last week. Mornings are slow to arrive in our part of the world in December. Mornings slip into the day without fanfare, always visible but out of reach, somewhere off on the horizon until eventually the blackness recedes.
No matter where I am on the earth or what inconvenience, sorrow, or catastrophe occurs, the sun will rise eventually. While I wait for the light of joy I have choices to make. Do I replay the conversations that feed the darkness or do I choose to set aside the baton and stop leading that chorus? Some might accuse me of oversimplifying a complex psychological phenomenon. But, I don't care and frankly I think we have complicated joy and been sold a bill of goods on it that is not true.
Joy is available to every single one of us. It is linked inextricably to grace and gratitude. Brother David Steindl-Rast says, “The root of joy is gratefulness...It is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful.” I'm going to try it out. I'm grateful, someone turned my wallet in. I hope everything is still in its place. I'm grateful that even though the sky is black as night at 6:50 a.m. I know the sun will rise today. It will peak over the horizon, slowly gently pushing the blackness away. If the darkness or the chorus are taking up permanent residence and joy has left town, listen to this rendition of Amazing Grace.
Check in next week to find out the rest of the wallet story. I'm going to Superstore right now to pick up the wallet.
Thanks for reading, sharing, liking, and commenting! Feel free to share with your friends if you have been encouraged or inspired.
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